A Bit Of A Rant On Greenhouses

.. and funny, I’ve got to type 500 odd words on what a Greenhouse is.

Firstly, lets not confuse my Greenhouse Empire with any sort of global warming .. sorry .. it’s climate change of late, isn’t it. They gave up the “Global Warming” bit when we froze to death last year.

No, when I talk of a greenhouse, I mean those glass things that your dad has in his garden? Captures the sun? Grows his tomatoes in? Ahh yeah, you know what I mean afterall? Heres a picture of one. Right, ok, you got it. Well that’s what i mean when I talk about a Greenhouse Empire. About those things.

Now I know that it doesn’t sound like the most thrilling of subjects – I’ll agree. But your dad seems to spend his time a lot in there. In his cardigan. So it must be fun in someways. Right?

Of course it is. You can grow tomatoes in there and cucumbers and shit. No .. not shit. Grow your own man! Seems we started on climate change – you can do your own bit for the environment by cutting down on your carbon footprint and growing your own food. Get yourself some hens and with the tomatoes, you’ve almost got yourself an omelette. How good is that?

So yeah, greenhouses. This is where we’re at. Specifically, what some people find interesting about greenhouses is that you can do growing and stuff all year round and not just wait until the summer to do it. You can plant your seeds in the coldest of winter months and then with a few tricks of the trade and a few little toys, you can get your little seedlings on their way ready for spring and summertime were they’re gonna really blossom.

Now its not as easy as I just made it sound. One thing you need to be careful of is the cold. Cold isn’t good for your little minions .. Minions? .. Ha! When I wrote seedlings earlier I got that “Take me to your leader” voice in my head and it just carried over. So yeah, cold isn’t good for your little minions and they need a good bit of love, care and attention. You’ll need to make sure you’ve got a greenhouse heater and make sure your insulation is up to speed. There isn’t anything worse for your plants than a great big whacking hole in your greenhouse where there should be glass. It just don’t cut it.

So once you’ve put glass in that greenhouse and you’re sure there are no drafts, then throw a greenhouse heater inside and when you’re all said and done, you can turn on the power and not only create a nice environment for your cucumbers and palm trees, it’s somewhere to go an sit when the Mrs is doing your head in and you want a bit of peace and quiet.

“I’m just going to see to my cucumber” will have a whole new meaning from now on.

So yeah, that’s where it starts. Greenhouses. Hope you’re in for the ride.